She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
