i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
