Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
