Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
