At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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