if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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