Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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