Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
