We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
