Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
