Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
