I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
