I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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