From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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