After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
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to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
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Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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