I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
