mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
