I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
