Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
