My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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