oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
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I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
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I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
is it fun? or sober?
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