Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
