He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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