physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
