dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
