Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Success! We fucked roommates!
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
