youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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