Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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