Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
