I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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