she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
did you just send me my own nude
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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