I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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