somebody snuck up and got me drunk
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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