if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
