He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
