Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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