My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
