I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize