It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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