I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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