I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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