Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
