i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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