just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
