Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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