I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
