So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
