You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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