Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
