dude i'm inner monologue high
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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