dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
