I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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