I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
