So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
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I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
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"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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