jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
