I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
