the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
