What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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