I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
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He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
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I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
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