You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize