i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
