It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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